Doom, DOOM, doom (and ponies!)

Emergency Preparedness Plan
What happens when the world ends?
Well, besides the obvious death and destruction and decay, you will also have to deal with finding a new job (yay? No.). Here's your guide to success in Armageddon career prospects!

Currently, you are...An Accountant
Your ability with numbers is a GREAT resource for the new age. It will be most useful when trying to run from zombies, vikings, and deep sea monsters. Psych! Your "talents" will most likely get you killed, what with the lack of cardiovascular endurance developed by all those dedicated years behind a desk. You probably have crummy handwriting too, what with all the calculator tapping, so you don't even qualify as a scribe. Thankfully, your finger callouses are perfect for the fine art of shoemaking.

Currently, you are...A Woman
Hopefully your husband or father is a noble, because as a woman in the dark ages, you have no rights. Again. Fortunately, you are still able to follow the great profession of medicine, as long as you don't mind being balls deep in placenta. Congratulations girls: you can be midwives.

Currently, you are...A Doctor
Your affinity for knives, talking down to people so they have a better chance of understanding you, and making people happy makes you the perfect candidate for court jester! Sadly you have lost your +10 ability to kill people accidentally without being decapitated. But there are now roasted goose drumsticks for a job well done. Its a pretty even trade-off.

Currently, you are...A Busdriver
Your insane addiction to regularity means that with the new age, your OCD behavior will need a new outlet. We recommend the fine art of shrubbery, a dual-purpose trade that both looks pretty, and keeps the angry villagers from being able to find the entrance to the king's house. You might want to pair with the magician though, as if they are bearing torches, they might just set all your hard labor on fire. Too bad.

Currently, you are...A Musician
Sorry, you fail.

Currently, you are...A Mechanic
You can make just about anything with some string and a paperclip, so your Macgyver-like talent is best put to use making and using your own lyres and banjos. Everyone needs some entertainment once in a while, and moving about from place to place will probably keep you safe from the rabid wolves. Maybe it's the sheep organs that you used for the strings, but they keep tracking your scent.

Currently, you are...A Scientist
Within a couple years, most people will forget that science is a real thing. Fighting off dragons and aliens will do that to you. Your dream job will be fulfilled as you become a magician, mysteriously repelling demons with the flick of a "magic" hand. Good thing they are blinded by light, and you stocked up on flashlights and batteries.

Currently, you Law Enforcement
Yay you! As long as your ammunition lasts longer than everyone else's, you get to to be king! Make sure to save a bullet or two, just in case. You never know when one of those minions will try to betray you. And after you gave them some of the bread that fell on the floor! Some people just don't appreciate a hand out.

Currently, you are...a Drug Dealer
Aversion to authority and a deep need to make something out of something else, all for personal gain, make you the perfect candidate for alchemy. Just don't think "rhinoceros". Or your lead will not only not turn into gold, it will explode into a million drops and ruin your coke. Also cause third degree burns. But more importantly, the coke.

Currently, you are...A Freemason
Ironically, your lack of education on how to actually put together buildings renders you completely useless. This is what true non-discrimination does to the world. If, however, you can manage to find some straw, you can probably switch over to real masonry fairly painlessly.

Currently, you are...A Porn Star
Your ability to sell anything for a buck in the name of "art" makes you a perfect guild leader. Money makes the world go round. We won't have antibiotics anymore though, so you might want to reign in your "activities", as their side effects are no longer treatable, and just like in olden days, if you get pregnant, you will probably die. Or get chlamydia. Or both.

Currently, you are...a Teacher
Sadly, your tenure has gone the way of the zombie horde. Badly. (you did know that zombies will also try to eat each others brains, right?) You will have to pick up a craft and take on an apprentice or two if you want to stay in the same field. Unfortunately, the new policy for ineffective teachers is more along the lines of beheading than a scolding and consistent yearly pay raise.

Currently, you are...a Sunday School Teacher
You would think that your knowledge of the bible and ability to keep youngsters preoccupied would qualify you to be a person of the cloth, but in reality it is your complete control of language that is your biggest asset. Your ability to gossip and entertain will aid you greatly in the art of pickpocketing. Fingers clumsy? That's okay, you can distract the victim while one of your previous students snatches their wallet.

Yes, there are no actual ponies in this post.

Fine, here: