The State of the Union

I would just like to give you an update on current affairs.

Apparently, Michigan has collapsed into civil war. The reasons for this are not entirely clear yet, but so far, the speculation is that recently buried corpses, who died of food poisoning at local hospitals around the state, are now breaking out of their coffins, and tearing around trying to find decent coffee. This moved the local government to declare martial law, which sparked a revolt from the civilians related to the dead, as state troopers began firing upon anyone upset about not getting their coffee quick enough, just in case.

Small camps have been set up, in rings around main cities, to try and block state officials from using roadways. The state of Michigan has so far developed its own constitution, and is in the middle of a second (well, counting the first civil war, the third) revolutionary war.

Do not be surprised if the feds come in and use super secret mind erasing technology to... well... erase peoples' minds.

Don't believe me?

You can check this information for yourself. All of the websites are down. This obviously proves that Michigan is currently in a state of chaos.

No, but seriously, all of the sites are down, and now I can't do my paper.

How sad.