On July 7th, exactly 35 people clicked through a search for "how to manipulate my boyfriend".

I'm pretty sure we're all horrible people.

I'm also pretty sure that I'm worse, considering you wasted clicking on that post in the first place, and I think all that I told you was different ways to "be nice" and therefore get whatever you wanted.


Having considered this for a moment, I suppose there are plenty of people in history that wouldn't get what they wanted just by being nice. Hitler, for example. Or Alexander the Great. Or pretty much anyone who destroyed anything. Even for the sake of "building" empires. ESPECIALLY when "building" empires. I'm looking at you, Early Catholic Church.

Here's the thing, though--and it goes for us little people, too--if they're not getting what they want by being nice?

Maybe they were just too greedy.

Anyway, since the internet seems to actually be interested in this, I'm going to start posting again.

This time, again, truly useful information.

Upcoming articles will consist of, for your perusing pleasure:

July 11th
"Google Autofill: our collective body of ignorance, asking the hard questions"

July 14th
"How to Get Your Boyfriend Back, Part 1" (or "How To Get Your Ex Back"--can't be sexist, now, can we? You know, beyond making really general remarks on how to manipulate various sexes. That doesn't count. Clearly.)

July 17th
"Fun Projects With Jello" (or, "I Am Really Goddamn Bored To The Point Of Killing Kittens Please Give Me An Activity")

July 21st
"Dear PETA, I Pinky Promise That My Kittens Are Still Alive"

Aren't you just so excited?
Also, question: do people subscribe to RSS anymore? Do we do that? Because I just don't know.
Here's a polar bear.

He's hiding.

Google Chrome Fail.

Velociraptor is definitely how you spell it, for the record.

Don't laugh, this is Serious Business

It is probably an equally bad idea to tell them how to do it better.

The Economics of Love

Accordingly, the more of a bitch you are, the higher you will be valued. Because of economics. And also your greater likelihood of survival if we are attacked by zombie ants.